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Jan. 31st, 2005

Blasting Music

(no subject)

a hug leads to a kiss, a kiss leads to a lick, a lick leads to a suck, and a suck leads to a fuck. So tell me do you want to hug???

Jan. 29th, 2005

Blasting Music


Share in my frustrationCollapse )
Blasting Music


This is a poem I wrote over a year ago. It is amazing how much changes in such a short period of time... I wrote this about Aaliyah and my friendship..

crazy conversations
confusion at its best
leaving the world behind
forgetting all the rest
living for the moment
the times of our lives
only you and me
on the phone all night
jumping up and down
pointless debates
never a fight
no room for hate
an amazing frienship
beating all the odds
becoming closer
building a great bond
the memories we share
the memories yet to come
a friendship built on fun
a frienship built on love

Jan. 12th, 2005

Blasting Music

Woot! I act my age

You Are 17 Years Old


Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

Jan. 10th, 2005

Blasting Music


My name: Ashley
My aged: 17
I live in: Auburn NY
I want to go to: sleep
My siblings are: Chelsie and Cassie.. half brother Aaron
Things i like are: singing, Onabear
Things i dont like are: numerous things..

I like people who: are real
I dont like people who: are fake
My favorite person is: Ona of course
I like them because: she is my heart
My least favorite person is: Oh.. I don't know.. someone I suppose..
Dont like them because: probably a probable reason
If i could hug someone right now, i would hug: Onabear
As far as friends go, i have: Practically no one anymore..
And significant others: My beloved Ona.

Love-Life and things
Do you have a crush or boy/girl friend?: Girlfriend, of course.
And his/her name would be?: Ona
Do you talk to them often?: Well, she lives with me.
How old is she/he?: 26 nearly 27
How far have you gotten with this person?: i dont see how that would be any of your business *turns red and puts head down*
How far are you willing to get?: *sticks tongue out*
Does this person share your interests?: Most of them
Are you romatically involved with this person?: MmHmM
Could you imagine the rest of your life with this person?: I want that more than anything
Do you believe in love?: Very much so.
Do you "love" this person?: More than she will ever know.
Must a kiss be sacred?: Yes ma'am
Must sex be saved for marriage?: Marriage of the heart..
How long was your longest relationship?: currently in it
How long was your shortest?: not long at all.. very very short.. rut roh.. un rut roh
Do you believe in love at first sight, or is it just extreme attraction?: i believe in love at first sight
How would you describe your ideal mate?:Ona.

What is your religion, if any?: Ashleyism
Do you practice it, or just believe in it strongly?: ^-^
Do you believe in God, Jesus,Heaven, and Hell?: blah
Why do you believe in what you do?: blah

Have you ever been drunk?: Yes'm
Do you want to get drunk or would you do it again?: Of course.
Have you ever done drugs?:  Nope
Have you ever stolen/shoplifted?: Yes'm
Are you the innocent looking type?: I dont know
Are you really innocent?: Negative.
Have you ever cheated on your boyfriend or girlfriend?: No way!
Are you a virgin?: Negative
Why or why not?: because
Were you caught doing any of these bad things above(i.e. drinking,doing drugs,stealing)?: nah
Name some things you have done that you regret: a few random things..
Would you say that you are open-minded?: i suppose

-Are you more...
crazy or conserved?: crazy
loud or quiet?: loud
pretty or ugly?: ugly (in my opinion)
over-weight or under-weight?: OBESE
outgoing or shy?: depends on the situation
emotional or nonemotional?: very emotional
perverted or pure?: It depends
simple or complex?: complex

Do you prefer bands or just singers?: Singers normally
Name some bands or artists that you like: Christina Aguilera, Matchbox 20, Nsync, Kelly Clarkson, Kenny Chesnet
What genres of music would you say you listen to?: Anything really
Do you like certain pop songs that you just think are really catchy?: Oh i dont know.. prolly
Are you in a band?: Nopers
If not, would you like to be in one?: ::sigh::
If you were in one, what would you do if you are, what do you do in the band?: Sing of course

Labels and image/style
Do you label people and yourself?: Sometimes
If so, what is your label: me
Do you like the way you look?: No'm
What makes the way you look especially unique?: i dont know
Do you wear ties like avril?: nopers
What do you think of her style?: Cute, sometimes.

Do you prefer lots and lots of friends, or a few close ones?: A few close ones
What are your feelings towards rain?: I love to be in it with my baby
Who/What gets you really excited when you see them/it?: Ona
Do you want something/someone that you can never have?: Oh, i dont know at this moment
Whats your best memory?: oh so many...
Have you ever been on a real date?: It depends on what you see as a real date. ( i don't do the FORMAL thing)
Make out or take out?: make out of course
you have more guy friends or chick friends?: neither really.
describe one of your embarrassing moments: rolling head over heals down the stairs in East Middle
Do you like your parents?: my mom occassionally
How about slushies, do you like those?: Cherry ones
Do you own a digital camera?: not really anymore
Would you write a paper for someone if they paid you?: no. people try.
Define "cool": the oppossite of Ashy.
Have you ever cooked dinner?: yes, god do i hate to cook
Are you forced to listen to the national anthem every morning at your school?: noper
When you are using a lead pencil, do you let a lot of lead out or just a little?: Too much then I break it and do it all over again.
What color is your toothbrush?: green
Have you ever secretly desired to wear a eye patch?: Nope
Do you spit or swallow?: meh
Does it really have the same great taste?: hrmph
Slippers or flipflops? sneakers
Oddly enough, its over: ttfn!

Jan. 5th, 2005

Blasting Music

I love you Ona!

1 year! Woohoo! I've waited for this day for what seems like forever. Until Onabear I never really stayed with people very long. Maybe a month if they were lucky. This is a year. That's gotta tell ya'll something! My heart is finally COMPLETELY happy. I'm never letting her go. I'm really not. I love her more than people are capable of comprehending. She is a dream come true. She's my dream come true. So many people thought we wouldn't make it, but we have. *smiles* Well i'll end it there before i ramble your ears off about this perfect love.


*You're still the one*

Jan. 2nd, 2005

Blasting Music


Things are really nuts right now. I don't even know where to begin... How about with the whole Cherry thing..

Onabear updated her journal saying she missed Charity and she wishes Charity and I could get our friendship back because she knows how much we meant to each other and all that jazz... yeah Charity meant the world to me.. but i'm not ready to get hurt.. It's always drama.. I want that friendship back.. there hasn't been a moment since it ended that I didn't wish we had it back.. but my heart gets broken each and every time she is in my life.. i don't want that.. i want the friendship Charity and I had before any of this.. Ona and I were talking and I do know that Charity was truer to me than most when it came to a friendship.. and that she really did care.. but i also know that other people couldn't leave things as just a friendship.. everyone and their brother got involved and messed things up.. another thing i don't want is to have to worry about telling Ona everytime I talk to her or I see her.. if i don't someone will stretch things.. even if i do they more than likely will.. but how am i supposed to remember every little time I talked to or saw someone.. I don't want the hassle of forgetting to mention it and Ona thinking i'm keeping things from her when someone goes to her and says "Ashley and Charity were doing this and this and this". People are just so fuckin' immature and they've got to mess my life up times a million.

Aaliyah stopped here to talk to Ona the other day. It didn't phase me at first, but honestly it hurts that she doesn't come to me anymore. The things that have become more important than me hurts.  It hurts that she doesn' t agree with my relationship. Maybe I did change when I started dating Ona, but it can't be for the worst. I'm happier now than I was for years. I don't let people walk all over me anymore. I'm doing a lot better than I ever was. Yeah, there's almost no one in my life anymore and that hurts, but it hurts less than it did when I had people in my life. Maybe someday there is a chance of Aaliyah and I becoming friends again, but I won't deal with Niki. I don't like the ora around her. I won't deal with those things that have become more important to me. I don't want the new bad ass Aaliyah. I want the old Aaliyah I could count on to be there for me no matter what. The Aaliyah I could count on to do what was best for her and the people around her. I don't want to be around the new Aaliyah. I don't like that new Aaliyah. I still love her, i'll always love her. She was a best friend to me for 6 years. But, I can't handle who she's become. She's not Aaliyah. She's a teenager going through a stage where she things  nothing can happen to her, but things can. I can't sit back and watch her get hurt, so i've got to sit back and not have Aaliyah in my life until she's the Aaliyah I grew to love and cherish.

My dad is supposed to be coming up next time he leaves KY. I don't want him here. I don't want him around. Everytime he's around its horrible. I love him because he is my father. But I want to love him from afar. Everytime I see him it's a mess. Everytime he's here its chaos. I dont' want him here. I don't want him in this house. I don't want him to fill this house with the memories he tainted the old house with. That's a lot of the reason I wanted out of the old house. The horrible memories. The lingering presence. The sense that it used to be his home too. I got away from all of that. I really don't want him here.

Cassie is not even close to being the person she used to be. Her attitude has completely changed. She's everything I ever spoke out against. She's going to be one of those stereotypical teenagers and I hate that. I don't want her to be, but there is nothing I can do. Even if there was something I could do I can't stand being around her long enough to do it. I am so disappointed in her. I can't handle the person she has become. I know everyone has their faults and everyone changes, but this is a little bit ridiculous.

Chelsie is being a little bad ass too. She's turned into a cleptomaniac. I hate it. She's taking from her own family. There are ALWAYS things missing. How can  you steal from your own family for crying out loud. She needs a good beatin' is what she needs. There really isn't anything I can do about her either. I'm reaching the wits end with her though. I can't handle people going through my room and taking whatever strikes their fancy. The little fuckin' thief is gonna get knocked about ten feet. The saddest part is she's only 11 years old.

Well, i supposed thats all for now. I've said quite a bit.


I love you Onabear

Dec. 24th, 2004

Blasting Music

skeefed this.

Barbies Letter To Santa:

Dear Santa,
Listen you fat troll, I've been saving your ass every year, being the
perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in December and
dressing in fake Chanel at sappy tea parties. I hate to break it to
ya,' Santa, but it's payback time. There had better be some changes around
here, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown, and trust me, you
don't wanna be around to smell it.
These are my demands for Christmas 2004:

1. Sweat pants and an oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a
hooker in hot pink bikinis. Do you have any idea what it feels like to
have nylon and velcro up your butt? I don't suppose you do.

2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. That cheap-o molded
underwear some genius at Mattel came up with looks like cellulite!

3. A REAL man... I don't care if you have to go to Hasbro to get him,
bring me GI JOE. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that pathetic bump
of a boytoy, Ken. And what was up with that earring anyway? HALLO!?!
if I i wanted to br gay i would be with Tery, or Trixy,
(I mean more then just that one time, but we where really drunk that night...)

4. It's about time you made us all anatomically correct. Give me arms
that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once
he is anatomically correct.

5. Breast reduction surgery. 'Nuff said.

6. A jog-bra. To wear until I get the surgery.

7. A new career. Doctor's and Lawyer's make real money.

8. A more modern persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie," complete with a pint of
cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips.

9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl

10. Mattel stock options. It's been 40 years -I think I deserve a piece
of the action.
Considering my valuable contribution to society and Mattel, I think
these demands are reasonable.

If you don't like it, you can find yourself
a new bitch for next Christmas. It's that simple.

Pist As ever,

Dec. 23rd, 2004

Blasting Music

(no subject)

my girlfriend just took off in a bored fit of rage.. i HATE WHEN PEOPLE FUCKIN' SLAM DOORS!

Dec. 21st, 2004

Blasting Music


As if getting stitches wasn't enough I am now sick on top of it. I spent most of last night puking my brains out. It's wonderful really.  I hate being sick. I'm going back to bed.


-I love you Onabear, sorry-

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