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Blasting Music

I don't know anything anymore.

I don't know whats wrong, but something is. I don't know how big it will blow up when it comes out, but I know it will. I don't know what I did wrong or if I did anything at all. I know that she keeps pulling away from me and the slightest thing I say makes her not want to talk to me anymore. I don't know if it's that i'm being rude or she's being sensitive. I don't know know anything right now and I don't like that. I wish I knew what was going on. I wish I knew why she did it. I wish I knew why she never comes to me. I wish I knew a lot. *sigh* I just love her so much....

We talked some more last night. Apparently she thinks i've been all about Charity lately. I don't feel that I have, but even if I have talked about her more than usual its only beacuse I am happy that we are finally at least being civil with one another and that (i thought) people weren't starting shit about us talking. I thought things were okay for once, but as usual i was wrong. I've realized that the song Barbed Wire and Roses by Pinkmonkey relates a lot to Charity and I. I don't know maybe i'll never be able to be around Charity. Ona is someone who I am going to have in my life forever and if I can't be friends or even be around Charity without it affection Ona than I supposed that's what i'm going to have to deal with. It'll hurt, but who cares. I think all of this shit is going to cause me to quit the GSA. It hurts because I was trying for Vice President to move up to President next year and it really did make me happy. I'm not going to bring drama to the GSA or my life though so i'm more than likely not going to be a part of that anymore. Ona doesn't like that, but I don't feel that I have any more options.

Ona doesn't get why I get so jealous over Shannon and not really anyone else. I don't know. I just can't help it. She talks about Shannon on a daily basis and numerous times. When she talks about Shannon there is always a smile on her face. She will do anything for Shannon. She always goes back no matter how badly Shannon treats her. There is something about her that is attatched to Shannon and I guess i'm just afraid that its a part of her heart...

She left a little while ago. She said she had to check the breaks on something. She looked so miserable and has been gone for a while now. I don't think she left for any good reasons. I hate when things are weird like this. It really hurts the heart. My heart is just a little broken right now. Things will smooth themselves out eventually, I hope.

I got really upset last night over something and it seemed to anger her that I got upset over it. I don't see why it would. It just hurt me. I guess maybe it shouldn't have or something. Maybe i'm oversensitive. I don't really know why she got so testy with me after that. I guess next time I'll just hide my tears. I always get upset over that. I just don't get it. I really don't get it. I don't get anything. *sigh*

Well I've got a million more things running through my head, but i'm worried about Ona and where she is and nothing is really coming out the way I want it to so i'm going to end this here for now.

-Ashley
  Nicole-

*God, do I love you*

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My grandma made me promise to use it on clothes.
Blasting Music

January 2006

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