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Blasting Music

I don't know anything anymore.

I don't know whats wrong, but something is. I don't know how big it will blow up when it comes out, but I know it will. I don't know what I did wrong or if I did anything at all. I know that she keeps pulling away from me and the slightest thing I say makes her not want to talk to me anymore. I don't know if it's that i'm being rude or she's being sensitive. I don't know know anything right now and I don't like that. I wish I knew what was going on. I wish I knew why she did it. I wish I knew why she never comes to me. I wish I knew a lot. *sigh* I just love her so much....

We talked some more last night. Apparently she thinks i've been all about Charity lately. I don't feel that I have, but even if I have talked about her more than usual its only beacuse I am happy that we are finally at least being civil with one another and that (i thought) people weren't starting shit about us talking. I thought things were okay for once, but as usual i was wrong. I've realized that the song Barbed Wire and Roses by Pinkmonkey relates a lot to Charity and I. I don't know maybe i'll never be able to be around Charity. Ona is someone who I am going to have in my life forever and if I can't be friends or even be around Charity without it affection Ona than I supposed that's what i'm going to have to deal with. It'll hurt, but who cares. I think all of this shit is going to cause me to quit the GSA. It hurts because I was trying for Vice President to move up to President next year and it really did make me happy. I'm not going to bring drama to the GSA or my life though so i'm more than likely not going to be a part of that anymore. Ona doesn't like that, but I don't feel that I have any more options.

Ona doesn't get why I get so jealous over Shannon and not really anyone else. I don't know. I just can't help it. She talks about Shannon on a daily basis and numerous times. When she talks about Shannon there is always a smile on her face. She will do anything for Shannon. She always goes back no matter how badly Shannon treats her. There is something about her that is attatched to Shannon and I guess i'm just afraid that its a part of her heart...

She left a little while ago. She said she had to check the breaks on something. She looked so miserable and has been gone for a while now. I don't think she left for any good reasons. I hate when things are weird like this. It really hurts the heart. My heart is just a little broken right now. Things will smooth themselves out eventually, I hope.

I got really upset last night over something and it seemed to anger her that I got upset over it. I don't see why it would. It just hurt me. I guess maybe it shouldn't have or something. Maybe i'm oversensitive. I don't really know why she got so testy with me after that. I guess next time I'll just hide my tears. I always get upset over that. I just don't get it. I really don't get it. I don't get anything. *sigh*

Well I've got a million more things running through my head, but i'm worried about Ona and where she is and nothing is really coming out the way I want it to so i'm going to end this here for now.

-Ashley
  Nicole-

*God, do I love you*

Comments

*Hugs*

I've been right where you are. I know exactly the situation and how you feel. I hate it. HATE it.

I wish there was something I could do. :(
i'm sorry that you've been there.. i'm working on it all slowly.. i think i'm starting to get somewhere..
That's good to hear. :)
Yes, definitely.. it's crazy what you'll do and feel when you're love stricken..
Ashley, you wasnt supose to see the cut and it wasnt that i was upset with you it was i was upset with me for doing it to begin with, but alot is bothering me and i cant get it all out and I dont want you quiting your group I know how much that means to you and again if you do quit i am going to be very upset and disapointed at and in you. I want you to be friends with charity i kow how much she means to you no i dotn want the dramma but then again drama is all around it comes and goes and we have stood strong through everything else we can stand strong through this as well we can make it through anything Ashley i have faith in us. Our relationship to me is amazing i love the butterflies you give my tummy when you walk in a room i love the way my heart skips when you Say i love you I love the way i have to catch my breath when i look into your eyes and I love the way every time we kiss its like our first kiss all over again useually feelings die in a relationship for me after a couple months but not with you there still there still strong actually they get stronger every day i love you I love you in ways i cant describe. The thought of losing you scares me the thought of even disagreeing with you kills me baby i really love you and i want us to work
Hunnie, i realize a lot more now than i did when i wrote this. I am going to worry about this whole Charity/GSA thing but i'll stick it out. I know we will make it through it all. i really love you hunnie.
your not worried to much are you, you said you wouldnt give it up for anything just making an observation.
Baby my journal says almost. The GSA is something I enjoy, but not because of who is in it, just because of the attitude and ora. I really do love it. I wouldn't give it up for many people. (that was mainly hinting at my mother and her not knowing about it yet.) I would however give it up for you in a heartbeat and you know taht already. So, yes I am worried about it. I will always be worried about something when it comes to you and the chance of somethign hurting you. You come first no matter what. Honestly, without sparing my feelings or worrying about sounding like a bad girlfriend do you want me to stop going? Focusing on you and you alone answer me that. Please. I love you ONabear
Answering you honestly thinking about me and only me, no I dont want you to stop going am I ever going to be able not to be paranoid no probally not to much has happend for me not to be but honestly no I dont want you to stop I love you and I love that it makes you smile i just hate that she has to be involved in soemthing that makes you smile. I love you Ashy.
It's only for the rest of this year. She graduates next year hunnie and considering I don't see her anywhere but in school I probably won't ever see her again after that so that should make you happy. Also, my mom won't give me the money to go to the play, so i'm not going to see that either. So again, you should be happy. I love you.
i dont care if you go to that play I will give you the money for it. I love you
It doesn't matter. I didn't expect to actually be able to go, just because I wanted to. I'm not taking your money.
so i will give the money to your mom and she can give it to you from her
or you do have the money from your clothing and it was your christmas present so use it to do what you want
My grandma made me promise to use it on clothes.

Ashy

No matter what, I'll be here for yah. I know we dont really talk anymore, but I dont really talk to a lot of peeople outside of school and you're only in one class with me (:-() But anyway... i'll always be here to talk, even if i have no idea whats goin on and you just need someone to talk to. if friends aren't for that, then what are friends for? ttyl kiddo :-D

Re: Ashy

thanks wynter
Blasting Music

January 2006

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