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Jan. 10th, 2006

Blasting Music

Friends Only, Lovelies.

Feb. 27th, 2005

Blasting Music

(no subject)

Your Brain is 46.67% Female, 53.33% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female

You are both sensitive and savvy

Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed

But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

Blasting Music

I'm alive and Kickin'.

It's weird how life changes. A year and a half ago I could sign on, IM anyone on my buddylist and have a great conversation. Now, i've shut myself from the world so much that we barely get passed hi. I long so much for a satisfying conversation right now. I doubt that will happen anytime in the near future though. *sigh* It's alright. It's my fault anyways.

People have been coming to me complaining about livejournal drama. What I don't get is why they complain. If you're going to let people's dumb comments get to you, then why update? Seriously now. There is no point to it. I swear sometimes people thrive off of drama and they only complain about drama to create more drama. People can't function in a peaceful atmoshpere. There has to be constant chaos.

It's back to school tomorrow. I don't really want to go back. I have to. I can't miss anymore school. I've done really good so far though. I'm dying for this school year to end. It's like torture in a humane form. I didn't think that was possible, but now I realize it very much is. Hey 'tis the way the cookie crumbles.

Well, i'll shutup. I'm sure my words aren't humoring you anyways.



Feb. 11th, 2005

Blasting Music


The last three days or so have been crazy. I've gotten to spend little to no time with Ona. Last night was a combination of crazyness and the fact that I fell asleep. I was exhausted. I have been a lot lately. I don't know why though. I want so badly to just spend a day with Ona away from the world and my family. Just her and I by our selves.

We voted for positions in GSA today. It ended up 50/50 for president. That was crazy. I got vice president! Mark is secretary, Amber is Treasurer and Robbie and Roland are both in charge of Public Relations. That's kewl. We'll figure out president next week. There will be more people there and that way everyone has time to think about who they are voting for. It's becoming quite competitive. We all have our opinions on who we want for President. Oh well it'll get figured out on Friday.

School is doing better already this marking period. I don't even know what came over me, but i've definitely needed the grades i've been getting. I even got a 65 on one of Mr. Bis's quizzes. I never even come close to passing them. I was proud of myself for that. The people from New Visions came today. They talked about the medical field program and all of that wonderful stuff. I got the number from the lady so I could call on that and Environmental Science. I doubt very much that i'd make it into either because of my grades, but the lady encouraged me to try none the less. So i'll call about it on Monday.

I also have to call about a new counselor on Monday. I went to see Bobbie again yesterday and I really need a new counselor. This just isn't working. She can never remember anything. I don't like it at all. I want a counselor outside of Auburn. I was told about some lady named Faith in the Metcalf building, but I don't know about that. I really hate it all. I know I need to be on meds and seeing a counselor though. Hopefully i'll get it all figured out Monday.

Well my baby is on so off I go.

-Ashley Nicole-

* i love you Ona *

Feb. 6th, 2005

Blasting Music

I don't know anything anymore.

I don't know whats wrong, but something is. I don't know how big it will blow up when it comes out, but I know it will. I don't know what I did wrong or if I did anything at all. I know that she keeps pulling away from me and the slightest thing I say makes her not want to talk to me anymore. I don't know if it's that i'm being rude or she's being sensitive. I don't know know anything right now and I don't like that. I wish I knew what was going on. I wish I knew why she did it. I wish I knew why she never comes to me. I wish I knew a lot. *sigh* I just love her so much....

We talked some more last night. Apparently she thinks i've been all about Charity lately. I don't feel that I have, but even if I have talked about her more than usual its only beacuse I am happy that we are finally at least being civil with one another and that (i thought) people weren't starting shit about us talking. I thought things were okay for once, but as usual i was wrong. I've realized that the song Barbed Wire and Roses by Pinkmonkey relates a lot to Charity and I. I don't know maybe i'll never be able to be around Charity. Ona is someone who I am going to have in my life forever and if I can't be friends or even be around Charity without it affection Ona than I supposed that's what i'm going to have to deal with. It'll hurt, but who cares. I think all of this shit is going to cause me to quit the GSA. It hurts because I was trying for Vice President to move up to President next year and it really did make me happy. I'm not going to bring drama to the GSA or my life though so i'm more than likely not going to be a part of that anymore. Ona doesn't like that, but I don't feel that I have any more options.

Ona doesn't get why I get so jealous over Shannon and not really anyone else. I don't know. I just can't help it. She talks about Shannon on a daily basis and numerous times. When she talks about Shannon there is always a smile on her face. She will do anything for Shannon. She always goes back no matter how badly Shannon treats her. There is something about her that is attatched to Shannon and I guess i'm just afraid that its a part of her heart...

She left a little while ago. She said she had to check the breaks on something. She looked so miserable and has been gone for a while now. I don't think she left for any good reasons. I hate when things are weird like this. It really hurts the heart. My heart is just a little broken right now. Things will smooth themselves out eventually, I hope.

I got really upset last night over something and it seemed to anger her that I got upset over it. I don't see why it would. It just hurt me. I guess maybe it shouldn't have or something. Maybe i'm oversensitive. I don't really know why she got so testy with me after that. I guess next time I'll just hide my tears. I always get upset over that. I just don't get it. I really don't get it. I don't get anything. *sigh*

Well I've got a million more things running through my head, but i'm worried about Ona and where she is and nothing is really coming out the way I want it to so i'm going to end this here for now.


*God, do I love you*

Feb. 5th, 2005

Blasting Music

Now for a real update

Ona and I went to the Outlet mall today. We took beavis and butthead (A.K. A. Cassandra and Chelsie). We had a lot of fun. Ona spoiled me rotten. She got herself shoes though. I was surprised, very surprised, but I was proud of her too. She needed them, but won't often buy things for herself. She got me some really cute, really sweet things. She's so amazing.  I really love  her. We talked last night and a little today about things I mentioned in my last entry and my fears and whatnot. She assured me that I had nothing to fear, but there are some fears that I just can't control. We talked about Charity as well. Apparently she has been hearing things from people. I told her that there is nothing to worry about, but she is going to worry none the less. I don't want the drama. If people are going to start shit i'm not letting it get to me, but if it gets to her it's going to get to me. I can't handle her hurting. *sigh* I hope this doesn't get blown out of proportion again. I would love to be able to have a civil friendship with Charity without it affecting my relationship.

Niki called last night wanting us to play with ouija board. I was shocked. We didn't go though. We had just rented movies. We got the Grudge, Moulin Rouge, Chasing Liberty, and Silence of the lambs. So we still of course have movies to watch tonight. We kind of need to watch three because even though Moulin Rouge was playing last night we didn't actually watch it. (winks) Ona picked up a couple of new card games today so we'll probably play them while watching one of the movies tonight. We did make it through the Grudge yesterday though, it was good. Good, but scary.

Well, my baby is home so suddenly lj is insignificant.


*i love you angel eyes*
Blasting Music

I've been meaning to do this for awhile.

1) Three names you go by: Ashley, Ash, Ashy

2) Three screen names you have had: nemoismness, bubblegumpplrule, yayforbananaism

3) Three things I like about myself: my hair(when its long), my lips, my feet(shh)

4) Things I don't like about myself: my hips, my fat tummy, my eyebrows

5) Three parts of my heritage:Irish, Indian, and German

6) Three things that scare me: Losing my Onabear, spiders, bridges

7) Three everyday essentials:Shower, Ona, sugar

8) Three things you are wearing right now: new pants, mismatched sockies, and a hoodit

9) Three of my favorite bands or artists: Kenny Chesney, Christina Aguilera, Kelly Clarkson

10) Three of my favorite songs: I turn to you, Break away, All or nothing

11) Three things I want to try in the next 12 months: i really dont know.

12) Three things I want in a relationship: honesty, love, compassion

13) Two truths and a lie. No particular order: I'm in love. I hate pink. I love froggies.

14) Three things that interest me about the opposite sex: Hrmm.. let me thing.. NADDA!

15) Three of my favorite hobbies: singing, writing, hanging with my baby

16) Three things that I want to do really badly right now: spend A day with just Ona, to marry Ona, to go to Hoopes

17) Three careers I am considering: Psychology(various occupations in the field), Veteranarian, Music Teacher

18) Three places I want to go on vacation: Italy, Nashville, Cichen Itza(sp?)

19) Three kids names: Joshua David, Austin Micheal, Kayla Marie

20) Three things I want to do before I die: Marry Ona, Have kids, see a broadway production

21) Three ways I am stereotypically a guy: the way i dress, the deoderant i wear, the way i belch in public

22) Three ways I am stereotypically a girl: shoe fanatic, love of clothes, chapstick obsession

23) Ten famous people I would do: Honestly, no one.

24) Three people who have to take this quiz: spazkrystenne, blinddreamer, Erin
Blasting Music

(no subject)

You Are 48% Femme and 52% Butch!

80 - 100% Femme - You're the girly girl of the century. Or Clay Aiken.

60 - 79% Femme - Girl? Almost certainly. If not, you've got some major man boobs going on.

40 - 59% Femme - Girl or guy? Even your best friends can't figure this one out.

20 - 39% Femme - You are likely male, or the toughest, scariest lesbian around.

0 - 19% Femme - You are 100% male. You make cowboys look like pussies.

How Butch or Femme Are You?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Feb. 4th, 2005

Blasting Music

NY can be okay SOMETIMES

Blasting Music

(no subject)

So today i'm in a rather thoughtful mood and it seems like i'm not the only one. Charity and I have been talking on and off in between mods ever since the first GSA meeting. It's nothing that's a big deal or anything. Haven't even had a conversation with real meaning to it that didn't pertain to the GSA. But it feels good to not think she hates me. I'm just worried about problems being created. I'm not trying to build a friendship with Charity. I'm trying not to. I'm not trying anything. I'm just letting things go as they please.

I am trying to work on trusting people and letting people back into my life. I'm working on forgiveness at the same time.  I told Corey I wanted to talk to him later today. To see if I can try to realize his point of view better. Who knows how that will go. I am quite proud of myself for doing that though because my stubborn ass really wanted to just leave things as they were. But i knew Corey was sorry and that it hurt him so i had to try to see if things were fixable.

The past has been on my mind a lot lately. But not my past, Ona's past. Shannon, Kayla, what if this, what if that. I'm just afraid of losing her so my mind goes nuts. It does this every once in a while. It calms down eventually though. its just been a little more persistent lately. *sigh*

i really need to get my ass on track in school. i've been slacking way too much. I very rarely get homework in most of my classes so doing everything well is a little more important than i'm making it out to be. I failed two classes this marking period. I tried with them, but i gave up because it was too much of a struggle. I realize I need to be more persistent when it gets tough. I have spent the last two days 8th mod in the library working on my research paper for Mr. Hannagan. I need that grade. so maybe i'll suceed in pulling my head out of my ass and do really well the next three marking periods. I've looked at different scholarship programs over the last couple of days as well. There are some that don't seem too bad as far as my chances. I dont' know. i'll look into them more once i get my grades up. i just odn't know where i want to go anymore.. *sigh*

I think i'm going to go now. I'm talking to my angel and thats far more important that livejournal.


*i love you Ona*

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